Some Thoughts on Religion

Last Saturday night I went to Afton State Park for their candlelit hike. It was a two mile hike that had candles along the entire trail. I arrived around 6:30 to find that many people had already arrived. It was nice to see so many people getting out and enjoying the night air with their families, friends, and loved ones. It really made me regret not asking someone to come along with me. I think it would have definitely been more enjoyable. It was a fairly easy hike.. mostly because it was along one of the flatter areas in Afton. I had really hoped the path would have been along one of my favorite paths that leads down to the St. Croix River, but alas.. no such luck. It was enjoyable just that same. I was able to do some photography that night, which I'll post at the end of this entry.

There is something I've been wanting to talk about for some time now, and feel I've thought about it long enough to know it is truly how I feel. It pertains to religion. While I'm out hiking, I often dwell on typical topics like the meaning of life, how I feel about how things are in the world, and very often, God and Religion. I am a firm believer that you should believe what ever you wish to believe and you should not force your thoughts and opinions on others. I think Frank McCourt said it best in his memoir "Teacher Man" when he states that people are always bothering one another and how he'll never understand why they must bother each other. So what I think probably isn't right, and I don't plan on convincing anyone otherwise.. It is simply my thoughts.

I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic grade school and high school, and was an alter server for nearly 8 years. Countless times, I would help out in the church, or help out in the school and very often people would tell me how I had certainly earned my place in Heaven or was well on my way to getting into Heaven. This always annoyed me though. I never did anything to try and "earn" my place in Heaven. I have never done anything for the reason of trying to find happiness or peace in the after life. I help, or treat people with respect because I enjoy it and for no other reason. I have heard many people talk of the good deeds they've done and how they're working their way towards Heaven.. and the only thing I can ever think of is why can't people do good without having to think they'll be rewarded in our lives or in the after life? Isn't the fact they've done something commendable payment enough? Why do they need anything more? I've never understood this, and most likely, never will. Which leads me to my next thought on religion. I have found over the years, too many hypocrites in the Church. They say and do one thing on Sunday and then are a completely different person the rest of the week. They back talk and criticize and gossip about one another, but then Sunday comes and they put on a mask to conceal their flaws.

I've found the Church itself is corrupt. From priest scandals, to just spiteful priests in general. Cover up... it's all terrible. I feel church is not needed. I think it often comes from the idea of going to a place where a person knows they'll not only be welcomed, but they have religion in common with the rest of the congregation. If you ask me.. church is less about the Bible, Jesus, and God and more about people gathering and being social with others who they believe share their beliefs. People go to be social. The Bible and God are but footnotes in their reasons for attending church I feel. This I just find annoying. I'm not saying all people who attend church services are like this, but some are.

So many people let the idea of God's existence rule their lives. They say and do good things, because they fear the wrath of God, but I feel this way of life is nonsense. It makes me think that if it were proven that God did not exist, everyone would resort to acts of violence and other evils because they would have nothing to fear. Also ridiculous. There are people out there who do good for the sake of good and do it for not fear of God's wrath, but for the sake of it being right, and just.

I dislike the church now. I do not believe God is in the church anymore. God left the church long ago, if God had ever been in the church to begin with. I have felt a greater spiritual connection while hiking in nature than I ever had in the church. There are many thoughts of what God is, and what God is like. I don't know what God is.. I really don't care. But I do know that God is not in the church. God is in nature. I know this. Anyone who has gone out into the forest by themselves and listened to quiet, knows God, and should also realize, God can not be contained in a structure made by man.

Kiss Goodnight

It's been awhile since my last post, mostly because my life has been pretty full. Well.. that's not entirely true.. I started becoming a bit lazy and was also working at the Children's Theatre Company on my weekends.. So really if felt like I was always at work and when I had my one day off.. I just sat around. Then in November I started dating the most wonderful girl, but that recently ended, on good terms and I'll leave it at that. So yesterday, while moping around my apartment feeling the deepest sorrow I have ever felt.. mostly because I have never been in any sort of a relationship before this and even though it ended with us still being friends, it doesn't mean the pain just dissolves away.. and so I needed to get away from society for a bit. So many people think I go hiking for the exercise, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Hiking is more or less a very spiritual experience for me. Any sort of exercise I get out of it is merely coincidence/bonus.

I once again visited the Minnesota Valley National Wildlife Refuge: Louisville Swamp Trail. This was the trail I visited back in June and July and had been telling myself I had to visit in the winter.. and though it's technically winter yet.. there was still about 5 or 6" of snow on the ground. I had been meaning to purchase some snow shoes.. but once again, hadn't gotten around to it. And with how I was feeling on the inside, I didn't have time to go out and find a pair.. I just needed to get away. So I grabbed my camera, tripod, water, and some tea. I got all bundled up and headed out. I arrived around 2pm and I saw several other cars were there, but only bumped into one person toward the end of the hike which was nice. I needed the solitude. Hiking is probably the best form of therapy I know.. at least for myself anyway. It gives me a chance to be alone with my thoughts in what I consider the real world.. secluded forest and rivers. Don't get me wrong, I love Afton State Park.. but there's just so many people out there on the trails and motor boats.. It's just not the same as this particular trail. I can hear the silence and the last bit of unfrozen running water pushing through the ice. It never fails.. no matter how terrible I think my life is going.. to just be alone in the woods, makes me feel so insignificant, but in a good way. The world is a much bigger place and I am but a small animal living in it's environment and so my problems are made to be even more insignificant than myself.

When I started out on the trail.. I started second guessing my decision to go out today.. all I had were my regular boots (not water proof) and it was pretty cold. And this was after I had only gone about a half a mile! And then the sorrow I had been feeling at home was returning and I just wanted to quit and go back to my car and go lay in bed until I had to go to work Monday. But despite these negative thoughts, I kept hiking. Slowly, my sadness was melted away in the cold. The sun was starting to descend in the sky and I was worried I wouldn't make it to the old homesteads.. My boots were soaking wet and I could feel my socks absorbing the water. I kept going and in the distance I heard some running water bubbling and I knew I was close to the homesteads. I crossed over the rock damn and made it to the homesteads. I was so happy I kept pressing forward rather than turning back. If I hadn't continued to the homesteads, I not only would've been depressed about my life.. but disappointed in myself for not hiking up to the homesteads. So now I felt my remaining sadness shatter and a smile broke across my face. I snapped some photos and decided to head back, seeing as how the sun was now setting. Thinking back now, I wish I had stayed until night fall.. I sure it would've been beautiful there. To look up and see the stars looking down upon me, but again, my feet were now wet and were starting to feel the cold.

While hiking back, I turned around several times and was just awestruck by the beauty of a sunset in a snow covered forest. I may have said this before, but there are few times in my life that I will break out in an open smile randomly, and this definitely did that for me. The sky was like a beautiful painting, created for all, but I felt it was especially for me. I like to think it was a kiss goodnight from Mother Nature and I thanked her and said goodnight.

Afton State Park

On Saturday I went out to Afton State Park East of the cities. It was quite beautiful. A nice mix of bluffs and prairie. It was a lot like the other state parks I've hiked through with one major exception.. Pine trees. The others have endless seas of big wood forests, but no Pines that I can recall. I stopped at a bench and had a seat and listened to the wind whistling through their branches. The sound is somehow mystical to me. A million images generated by the sound. I just sat there listening with my eyes closed. I wish I could've stayed for hours... or better yet.. had a mini recorder to capture it so I may listen to it before bed. I kept the hike fairly short, only about 4 miles or so. There is 20 miles of hiking trails at Afton, so I'm looking forward very much to returning soon.

While I was on the trail I began to ponder, "Is this just a passing phase? Can I really see myself hiking the rest of my life? Or am I just into hiking just now.. at this moment?" I came to the conclusion that I've always loved nature and that I never had many opportunities in my adult life to embrace nature. But over the past few months, I find myself longing for more time in nature.. and so I feel as though I won't tire of nature.. but rather.. tire of being in the cities. I see myself moving out into a more rural area in time. I think I would like that immensely.

In other news.. Irish Fest is coming up this weekend! I can hardly wait!!

Frontenac State Park

Today I left with the intention of going to Frontenac and then after that, the Barn Bluff in Red Wing, MN.. I however did not expect the hike Frontenac gave me. Had I stuck the hiking club trails, it wouldn't have been terribly difficult.. But I had taken a separate trail which took be down a steep, winding path. It brought me all the way down from the top of the bluff to the shore line of Lake Pepin. It was just beautiful.. If only there were not so many people out in their motor boats and jet skis.. it would've been peaceful. After that I had to hike back up the steep trail and it did a number on me. It's not the hiking I usually do.. but when I reached the top I felt much more accomplished than I usually do when I finish a hike. After that I hiked for another 3 or 4 miles on the regular trail.. It made me grateful that I went on the difficult trail. It was definitely a welcomed change to what I'm used to hiking at the state parks. Afterward I was quite tired and so decided not to visit the barn bluff, as I knew that was a bit of a climb as well and I don't think I would appreciate it's beauty as much had I gone today. So another day. Plus today was overcast.. I'm sure the view will be spectacular when I return in the coming months.

I am a Hiker

By week I am a 3D Designer, but once the weekend arrives, I transform into my true self. I am a hiker. I find that nothing in world makes me nearly  as whole or at peace than when I am out hiking through forests and rolling prairies. For years I have felt a void in my life... I've always felt out of place in modern society... as if born in the wrong time period. I can't relate to many people.. the few that I can relate to, I feel I have little to say to them.. Not because I wish not to speak with them.. but because I feel an unspoken bond of, "You get it. You understand." What greater conversation is there than the one that needs not be spoken, but is simply felt by both persons. So many things are spoken each day.. yet so very little is said. Conversations held thousands of times over.. So much can be said through our bodies and expressions alone. Silence is a blessing. 

Part of the reason I return to nature as often as possible is to experience silence. Let the wind, the creaking of trees, fluttering of long grass, and the song of birds be all that I hear.

Growing up in the south suburbs of Chicago left me feeling isolated and trapped by society.  The only times I really felt content was when I went to the forest preserve in my home town. If only it had been larger. It was my tiny oasis in the desert or society. Since those days I've lived in Minneapolis.. which for the most part made my isolation feel even greater. But now that I am free of college and have work.. I am able to travel on the weekends. It has by far been some of my best experiences in life. It's not often I smile randomly... but when I am away from nature and am sitting in front of a computer for 10 hours a day.. I think.. "I wonder where I will go this weekend?" And I smile, knowing the weekend is always approaching. 

Don't get me wrong.. I don't hate all of society... Not hate.. I think my feelings have already been spoken so perfectly by Lord Byron, "I love not man the less, but Nature more."

I have said enough for the evening. I will try to observe my advice and speak less in this journal and post photos of things in Nature I find beautiful or speaker better than any word that could be spoken.