Some Thoughts on Religion

Last Saturday night I went to Afton State Park for their candlelit hike. It was a two mile hike that had candles along the entire trail. I arrived around 6:30 to find that many people had already arrived. It was nice to see so many people getting out and enjoying the night air with their families, friends, and loved ones. It really made me regret not asking someone to come along with me. I think it would have definitely been more enjoyable. It was a fairly easy hike.. mostly because it was along one of the flatter areas in Afton. I had really hoped the path would have been along one of my favorite paths that leads down to the St. Croix River, but alas.. no such luck. It was enjoyable just that same. I was able to do some photography that night, which I'll post at the end of this entry.

There is something I've been wanting to talk about for some time now, and feel I've thought about it long enough to know it is truly how I feel. It pertains to religion. While I'm out hiking, I often dwell on typical topics like the meaning of life, how I feel about how things are in the world, and very often, God and Religion. I am a firm believer that you should believe what ever you wish to believe and you should not force your thoughts and opinions on others. I think Frank McCourt said it best in his memoir "Teacher Man" when he states that people are always bothering one another and how he'll never understand why they must bother each other. So what I think probably isn't right, and I don't plan on convincing anyone otherwise.. It is simply my thoughts.

I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic grade school and high school, and was an alter server for nearly 8 years. Countless times, I would help out in the church, or help out in the school and very often people would tell me how I had certainly earned my place in Heaven or was well on my way to getting into Heaven. This always annoyed me though. I never did anything to try and "earn" my place in Heaven. I have never done anything for the reason of trying to find happiness or peace in the after life. I help, or treat people with respect because I enjoy it and for no other reason. I have heard many people talk of the good deeds they've done and how they're working their way towards Heaven.. and the only thing I can ever think of is why can't people do good without having to think they'll be rewarded in our lives or in the after life? Isn't the fact they've done something commendable payment enough? Why do they need anything more? I've never understood this, and most likely, never will. Which leads me to my next thought on religion. I have found over the years, too many hypocrites in the Church. They say and do one thing on Sunday and then are a completely different person the rest of the week. They back talk and criticize and gossip about one another, but then Sunday comes and they put on a mask to conceal their flaws.

I've found the Church itself is corrupt. From priest scandals, to just spiteful priests in general. Cover up... it's all terrible. I feel church is not needed. I think it often comes from the idea of going to a place where a person knows they'll not only be welcomed, but they have religion in common with the rest of the congregation. If you ask me.. church is less about the Bible, Jesus, and God and more about people gathering and being social with others who they believe share their beliefs. People go to be social. The Bible and God are but footnotes in their reasons for attending church I feel. This I just find annoying. I'm not saying all people who attend church services are like this, but some are.

So many people let the idea of God's existence rule their lives. They say and do good things, because they fear the wrath of God, but I feel this way of life is nonsense. It makes me think that if it were proven that God did not exist, everyone would resort to acts of violence and other evils because they would have nothing to fear. Also ridiculous. There are people out there who do good for the sake of good and do it for not fear of God's wrath, but for the sake of it being right, and just.

I dislike the church now. I do not believe God is in the church anymore. God left the church long ago, if God had ever been in the church to begin with. I have felt a greater spiritual connection while hiking in nature than I ever had in the church. There are many thoughts of what God is, and what God is like. I don't know what God is.. I really don't care. But I do know that God is not in the church. God is in nature. I know this. Anyone who has gone out into the forest by themselves and listened to quiet, knows God, and should also realize, God can not be contained in a structure made by man.

Subzero Hiking

Last weekend I went up to Grand Rapids, MN to my friends family's house for New Years. While I was up there, I went to Glen's Army Navy Store and bought some Under Armor socks and a shirt, some new waterproof boats and gloves. After that.. I was ready to hike. I went and put everything on and walked down to the lake that has been frozen for some time now and started walking across it toward a trail on the opposite side. It was around -10ºF out, but I felt nice and warm. It's strange crossing a large frozen over area like a lake.. It looks like a frozen wasteland, where nothing could possibly be living... and to confirm this.. I didn't see any other signs of life out there. There was a good foot of snow on top of the ice, which made it pretty difficult to walk through. I really need to invest in some snow shoes. I reached the trail a short while later, which was a bit easier to hike on, as there had been plenty of cross country skiers in the area that left plenty of tracks for me to follow in. As I've said before.. the whole area seemed devoid of life.

I took a few photographs with a new camera I got, but I still need more practice with it. I didn't realize how exhilarating and exhausting hiking out in this kind of weather would be. After I had gone a ways down the trail, I found a snow covered stump and knocked the snow off of it and had a seat. I just sat there, listening to the silence of the frozen air. It was a nice break for the ears after having to listen to my footsteps echoing through the area for the past 45minutes or so. A short while later I heard a noise. I turned to find there was a woodpecker still hanging around, searching for food. I didn't hike the whole trail, as the sun was beginning to go down and I knew it was about to get a whole lot colder. I began making my way back towards the lake when I heard a noise coming up from behind me. It happened to be a cross country skier out enjoying himself. I don't know if I've mentioned it on here previously, but I've often found that people out on the hiking trails tend to be a lot more friendly than the everyday people you pass on the streets. Since I've started hiking back in June, I've must have said "Hello" to hundreds of people.. or "How's it going?" It's generally short, but it's nice.

Why can't we be like this to the people we see everyday. I've always lived around cities and anytime I'm in their downtown areas, everyone turns into self-centered, paranoid, rude people. Everyone keeps to themselves, and avoids eye contact. I think that is a huge issue we as a society have struggled with for some time. We don't know people.. and we don't want to know people is often our way of thought. I'm just as guilty as anyone when it comes to this.. Every so often I try and get away from these ways. Say hello to strangers and smile. Again.. it's a small gesture.. but to so many, it's a big deal. It doesn't take two seconds to nod and smile or just say "Hi". But we as a society refuse to perform this way.

Out on the trails, it's completely different though. The only reason I can give as to why this is, would be that they figure we have something in common. "Hey! They're out hiking too. I think I'll say 'Hi'." I don't think we should have to have something in common with someone, just to say a simple "Hi". I mean.. we all have something in common. We're all living in this world. Why not try and make it a little bit more friendly.

So anyway, I stayed off to the side of the trail so that the skier could pass more easily, and rather than just saying "Hello" and being on his way, he actually stopped. We talked for a short bit about how you can't let the weather keep you inside all winter and how it's still fun, no matter how harsh the conditions are. We told each other to have a good night. That was probably one of the most pleasant experiences I've had with another stranger out on a trail. Makes me think he probably had the same mentality as others. "Well he's out hiking. I should say 'Hi'." But since it was below zero, he must have been thinking more or less, "Wow! This guy is just as crazy as me out in this weather! I think I'll stop and talk for a bit".

As I headed back to the lake, I started noticing more and more people out on the ice, snowmobiling. There's a lot of crazy people up here in MN, and I'm glad to be one of them!

Later that night, I went back out to the lake to try and do some star gazing/star photography.. The photography didn't turn out well. But reading an old astronomy magazine about photographing night skies, it said to take lots of photos, but throw just as many away.. and so I did. It was about -20ºF now, but it was so peaceful. So very still. You could only hear a slight breeze coming from between the trees and sweeping across the lake. I was only out for about an hour, but it was definitely one of my favorite experiences in my life. The sky was so clear and full of stars. Oh! And I got to see Mars! It's out this time of the year. I loved being out in the cold.. but now I can't wait until spring comes so that I can get back to my longer treks across MN to other state parks. I really am looking forward to seeing all of the wildlife again. Maybe I'll see the white tailed hawk I named Henry at Afton again. Time will tell. I'm hoping to get out this weekend and do a bit more hiking!

Hope everyone is well and that their New Year is off to a good start.. And if it isn't, I still wish you well.

Kiss Goodnight

It's been awhile since my last post, mostly because my life has been pretty full. Well.. that's not entirely true.. I started becoming a bit lazy and was also working at the Children's Theatre Company on my weekends.. So really if felt like I was always at work and when I had my one day off.. I just sat around. Then in November I started dating the most wonderful girl, but that recently ended, on good terms and I'll leave it at that. So yesterday, while moping around my apartment feeling the deepest sorrow I have ever felt.. mostly because I have never been in any sort of a relationship before this and even though it ended with us still being friends, it doesn't mean the pain just dissolves away.. and so I needed to get away from society for a bit. So many people think I go hiking for the exercise, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Hiking is more or less a very spiritual experience for me. Any sort of exercise I get out of it is merely coincidence/bonus.

I once again visited the Minnesota Valley National Wildlife Refuge: Louisville Swamp Trail. This was the trail I visited back in June and July and had been telling myself I had to visit in the winter.. and though it's technically winter yet.. there was still about 5 or 6" of snow on the ground. I had been meaning to purchase some snow shoes.. but once again, hadn't gotten around to it. And with how I was feeling on the inside, I didn't have time to go out and find a pair.. I just needed to get away. So I grabbed my camera, tripod, water, and some tea. I got all bundled up and headed out. I arrived around 2pm and I saw several other cars were there, but only bumped into one person toward the end of the hike which was nice. I needed the solitude. Hiking is probably the best form of therapy I know.. at least for myself anyway. It gives me a chance to be alone with my thoughts in what I consider the real world.. secluded forest and rivers. Don't get me wrong, I love Afton State Park.. but there's just so many people out there on the trails and motor boats.. It's just not the same as this particular trail. I can hear the silence and the last bit of unfrozen running water pushing through the ice. It never fails.. no matter how terrible I think my life is going.. to just be alone in the woods, makes me feel so insignificant, but in a good way. The world is a much bigger place and I am but a small animal living in it's environment and so my problems are made to be even more insignificant than myself.

When I started out on the trail.. I started second guessing my decision to go out today.. all I had were my regular boots (not water proof) and it was pretty cold. And this was after I had only gone about a half a mile! And then the sorrow I had been feeling at home was returning and I just wanted to quit and go back to my car and go lay in bed until I had to go to work Monday. But despite these negative thoughts, I kept hiking. Slowly, my sadness was melted away in the cold. The sun was starting to descend in the sky and I was worried I wouldn't make it to the old homesteads.. My boots were soaking wet and I could feel my socks absorbing the water. I kept going and in the distance I heard some running water bubbling and I knew I was close to the homesteads. I crossed over the rock damn and made it to the homesteads. I was so happy I kept pressing forward rather than turning back. If I hadn't continued to the homesteads, I not only would've been depressed about my life.. but disappointed in myself for not hiking up to the homesteads. So now I felt my remaining sadness shatter and a smile broke across my face. I snapped some photos and decided to head back, seeing as how the sun was now setting. Thinking back now, I wish I had stayed until night fall.. I sure it would've been beautiful there. To look up and see the stars looking down upon me, but again, my feet were now wet and were starting to feel the cold.

While hiking back, I turned around several times and was just awestruck by the beauty of a sunset in a snow covered forest. I may have said this before, but there are few times in my life that I will break out in an open smile randomly, and this definitely did that for me. The sky was like a beautiful painting, created for all, but I felt it was especially for me. I like to think it was a kiss goodnight from Mother Nature and I thanked her and said goodnight.

Smitten by Afton

So in my previous post I mentioned looked forward to returning to Afton State Park really soon. Well that turned out to be the very next weekend.. and the Tuesday after that... and today! This park is just fantastic! If only the trails new the St. Croix River weren't so noisy (motor boats and jet skis) and populated. So many people cooking out and having family reunions.. but That's only if you stay on that trail.. which I don't really even spend much time on. The other parts of the park are just amazing! So much variety in both landscape and wildlife. I've been leaving my camera and tripod on the last three hikes in Afton and it seems I constantly run into animals! I swear they know when I have a camera! But it's lightened my load, so that's fine with me. The personal experience is more than reward enough. During the one visit I saw a family of deer, but I didn't spot them early enough. We all just observed each other until the mother decided she didn't want to hang around with he young anymore. I've also seen many chipmunks and squirrels. I did see a group of wild turkeys as well and they just walked away from me as quickly as possible. I've had a few other deer encounters. Probably my favorite encounter so far is of a white tailed hawk. I was walking along a prairie path my second time at the park and when I rounded the corner I saw the hawk on the ground enjoying their meal but then saw me and flew away with dinner. But I found it strange that the hawk didn't fly into the prairie grass but just flew a little ways away and landed on the trail again. We encountered each other several more times and I threatened him (Assuming it was a male hawk) saying if I ran into him one more time I'd name him... And thus we have Howard the Hawk. My third visit I was walking on the prairie trail again and I saw a large shadow cross my path and when I looked up, sure enough it was Howard. He was just gliding in circles, no doubt looking for a meal. He didn't seem to mind me and eventually he flew off into the distance and dive bombed some small critter I'm sure. Today I saw him just flying about the prairie. He seems a bit more comfortable with my presence now. Hopefully the next time I go, I'll be able to take a few photos of him.

But anyway, I just love Afton. There are a wide variety of trails and I've now hiked on most of them. The only one I don't enjoy a whole lot is the paved trail... which once again is along the St. Croix. It's just not as much fun as the rest of the trails. Today I hiked about 9 miles and I definitely tell a difference in how my body handles it from when I took my first trip back at the end of May to Nerstrand Big Woods State Park.

In other news, I'm trying to get away from the internet more. I know it's a great tool to stay connected with friends.. but I've found it to be almost trapping. So I've been cutting back some and just trying to get out more. This past Tuesday was my first ever week day hike... well that's not completely accurate.. My first weekday hike and having to work the next day as well. I got out of work and headed straight for Afton and got in a nice 2.5 hour hike and then went home feeling very much content and at peace. I'm lucky Afton is so close! It's only about a half hour away, so I think any time I have a rough day at work or feel stressed.. I'll just head for Afton!

Also, today I went to a Target and saw they had Marty Stouffer's Wild America for sale. It was separated in two sets. Season 1-6 and season 7-12. They were 19.99 per set, so I bought the first set. I used to love this show when I was a child and I now find that I'm still enjoying them! They offer some great tips and information for observing nature.

So until next time, enjoy our wild America!

Afton State Park

On Saturday I went out to Afton State Park East of the cities. It was quite beautiful. A nice mix of bluffs and prairie. It was a lot like the other state parks I've hiked through with one major exception.. Pine trees. The others have endless seas of big wood forests, but no Pines that I can recall. I stopped at a bench and had a seat and listened to the wind whistling through their branches. The sound is somehow mystical to me. A million images generated by the sound. I just sat there listening with my eyes closed. I wish I could've stayed for hours... or better yet.. had a mini recorder to capture it so I may listen to it before bed. I kept the hike fairly short, only about 4 miles or so. There is 20 miles of hiking trails at Afton, so I'm looking forward very much to returning soon.

While I was on the trail I began to ponder, "Is this just a passing phase? Can I really see myself hiking the rest of my life? Or am I just into hiking just now.. at this moment?" I came to the conclusion that I've always loved nature and that I never had many opportunities in my adult life to embrace nature. But over the past few months, I find myself longing for more time in nature.. and so I feel as though I won't tire of nature.. but rather.. tire of being in the cities. I see myself moving out into a more rural area in time. I think I would like that immensely.

In other news.. Irish Fest is coming up this weekend! I can hardly wait!!

Sunday Hike

I've been so busy lately, I haven't had much time for updating. Two weeks ago I hiked through White Water State Park 100 miles south of Minneapolis. It was a bit of a drive, but was quite enjoyable. I hiked up two different bluffs and got to enjoy some nice scenery. The only thing i wish is that there had been less people on the trail. It seemed quite busy. And there was a group of people at the park facility having some kind of party blasting music and it could be heard through most of the park.. Just a bit annoying. Not the peaceful hike I was hoping for.. but it did have it's moments of solitude. I'm hoping to return someday when it won't be so busy.

Last weekend I went back to the Minnesota Valley Wildlife Refuge Louisville Swamp Trail. I did a bit of drawing.. not as much as I liked due to ticks getting on me and my supplies. I was carrying far too much with me this time too. Backpack with two bottles of water, bug spray, two sketch books, art supplies, camera, large case of pastels, and my tripod. I'm not sure what I was thinking.. but it seemed like a good idea at the time. So after a short break of sketching, I figured I'd head down another path I hadn't previously hiked on. It was quite nice, a variety of prairie, forest, and swamp like land. Not a whole lot of wildlife other than a crane and some geese. After awhile on the trail I came upon glacial rock, a massive rock in the middle of a prairie. I really wish there had been some kind of information post explaining how it got there.. It really seemed so out of place. I continued down the path and noticed a sign mentioning the ones trails bridge was out, but I was on a overgrown road that seemed as though it were heading in the proper direction so I followed along this road. I traveled for about a mile and a half or so until I came upon someones private property.. I really didn't want to head back from where I came because my water was running out. I wandered through what looked like a path on the property... not a good idea.. but I thought it was the best thing I could do. I passed through some pine trees and over some barbed wire. I noticed an old broken down road that seemed to have been abandoned for some time and then I noticed a big run down house.. I figured I had had enough adventure for that day. I turned around and noticed a different road, so I walked on that for a while and eventually wound up by the interstate I had driven on to get to the trail. It was after midday and I was in the wide open hiking next to the interstate with the sun beating down upon me. My water unfortunately ran out, so I had to stop and rest several times. I was completely spent and I'm sure the people driving past me at 65/70 mph thought I was a crazy person. I traveled next to the interstate for nearly 3 miles and when I finally saw the road I turned off on to go the trail, I was almost unable to move. My left leg was locking up on me and didn't wish to move anymore. Other cars passed me by and eventually I just came to a stand still for about 8 minutes or so. When I looked down I noticed a rusty old coin. I bent down and picked it up. It was a rusty old quarter from 1985 (my year of birth) I just kept thinking of what are the odds of that? That I would take a wrong path and tire myself out and then happen to stop at this very point and find a quarter with my birth year. I felt there was something to it, so I pocketed it and then when I looked back down, I noticed a penny lying face down.. I decided that this other penny was perhaps for someone else... I know it sounds strange.. but that is just how it made me feel. I eventually reached my car and was really hurting. Luckily I always keep a few bottles of water in the car. After that I went home and passed out in bed. I'm still pretty swore. Turns out I hiked about 9 miles. It's my personal best so far... but for now.. I think 8 miles will be my max when I plan my hikes.. and no more taking fake "possible" trails for me haha. Though I did enjoy the adventure of it all.

Not sure where I'm off to next weekend. Time will tell.

Hope all is well with everyone else in the world.

Back from Vacation

Well I have returned from Illinois. The trip was alright. Despite taking roughly eight hours, it wasn't too terrible of a drive. There were lots of of lovely landscapes. I only wish I had, had more time to enjoy it. Next time I'll have to stop off at some of the state parks in Illinois and Wisconsin. Being back in Illinois was sort of surreal, almost as though nothing had changed. I really don't like being stuck around big cities.. I feel as though my life force is slowly being drained. I love Chicago.. I just don't desire to spend a lot of time there anymore. I really wish I had more time to visit some areas in Illinois.. but alas, time flies.

This weekend I'm planning on visiting White Water State Park in southern MN. It's home to the timber rattlesnake.. maybe I'll see one. I'm just itching to get out of here and back to nature.